Category: Conflict Mastery
Independence Day is right around the corner here in the U.S., and I’ve been thinking a lot about the last line of our national anthem. We sing: “the land of the free and the home of the brave.” It takes courage — bravery — to become free. It takes the same courage to free yourself from an oppressive monarchy or an oppressive social system as it does to free yourself from conflict with others in your life or to free yourself from the shackles of your own making— from conflict inside yourself.
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Sue Elias, EVP of Parks & People Foundation in Baltimore, MD, uses the Optimal Outcomes method to learn to sit with her challenging emotions, then transform those emotions to master conflict.
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Conventional advice on solving conflict says you should “put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” This old adage suggests that by increasing understanding and empathy for the other side, we will be better able to create solutions that take their interests into account, thus allowing us to more quickly and effectively reach agreement.
For several decades now, this advice has helped millions of people reach “win-win” agreements. The only problem is: this assumes that we know what we ourselves want, and why we want it. Which is not always true.
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The world today is increasingly polarized. People who once identified with the center have shifted towards extremes. For example, in the US political arena, those who once identified as Republicans or Democrats have now shifted towards the “alt-right” or “left-wing activism”. This means there may be no shortage of bitter debates in the coming years, whether we’re at a dinner party, at the office, or working to influence those in elected office.
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